Good-bye and Amen Read online

  So that was the end of that happy evening.

  Bobby Applegate He’d found a letter in his car. From Monica.

  How could she? I mean, really.

  Eleanor Applegate He wouldn’t show it to us. He said it wasn’t that bad, it was only she was mad he hadn’t told her he had plans for the boat, since she’s half owner. Charlesie was upset because he knew he should have told her, but he hadn’t thought of it and certainly no one else had either. The boat wouldn’t be in the water at all if it weren’t for Charlesie, and whose fault was it that it was late? Plus, it had been years since she’d taken that boat anywhere by herself, none of us had thought she might want it. I felt terrible for Charlesie, and frankly I was furious at Monica.

  Bobby Applegate I said to El, “Don’t even think about talking to your sister about this. If either of you says things you shouldn’t, we’ll be years getting over it.” Mostly I wanted my wife to calm down enough to sleep or we’d all have hell to pay. I told her to go sit and read a book and I’d build her a fire and bring her some tea, and tomorrow I’d talk to Monica myself.

  Eleanor Applegate After a while Charlesie came downstairs again, said he felt better and was going out after all, so I began to settle down. But when someone takes your child’s joy away, don’t you just want to rip their throats out?

  Bobby Applegate Nora told us Monica and Norman had gone hiking on Mount Desert and spent the night at the Asticou. The next day I was waiting for her at Leeway when she came back from driving Norman to the afternoon plane. She puttered in and out for a while, hanging things up, looking for some keys, offering me things to eat and drink. I asked how her weekend had gone, and she said it would have been better if she’d been able to get Norman out of range of where his cell phone worked. I wasn’t having any of that.

  I waited her out and she finally came and sat down. We sat for a little bit. I wanted her to figure out for herself why I was there, though really I think she knew it the minute she saw me.

  I said, “Monica, when you’re upset with one of our children, don’t you think you should come to us before you light their hair on fire?” She showed me her poker face. She said, “If you had something to say to Edith, I’d expect you to say it to her. It was between me and Charlesie.”

  I said, “First thing: What upsets our children upsets all of us, very much, so it wasn’t just between the two of you. Second thing: Edith is a young adult, and I still don’t believe you’d like it one bit if I ripped her up and down, even if she deserved it. And Charlesie is still a teenager. He’s having enough trouble growing up, without the people who are supposed to love him knocking the pins out from under him.”

  She asked if he showed us the letter. I said, “No, he wouldn’t. I think he was trying to protect you, by the way. And he said it wasn’t that bad, but we have to go by how much your anger upset him. Which was very much.”

  She said, “I wasn’t angry! I was very disappointed!”

  I said, “And now you’re all over it and he feels like hammered shit. Why didn’t you talk to him instead of leaving him a letter?” She said he was already gone when she went to see him. I asked why she didn’t wait till he got back, and she said because she was upset. And I said, “A letter, Monica? Sitting on the seat of his car like a poison toad waiting for him, while you’re all over your snit and on to the next thing? From you, of all people?”

  She didn’t look very happy. Finally she said, “And what do you expect me to do?” I said, “I hope you’ll apologize to him.” She said, “I don’t know if I can.” So I went home.

  Eleanor Applegate By the way—had she told Charlesie that she planned to use the boat? I don’t remember taking that message…

  Monica Faithful I had a horrible night. Nora settled in after supper to work on her archive. She told me about Mutt winning the Retired Skippers’, and how excited and proud everyone was of Charlesie, so I got the picture pretty good of what I’d done. I really can’t talk about it.

  Charlesie Applegate Aunt Nika was waiting for me at the yacht club when I came in from the Stone the next afternoon. She said she was very sorry about the letter, and I said, no, like, she was right, I should have told her, and I was embarrassed. She said she was proud of us that we won, and how happy Grandpapa would be if he was watching from his cloud, yada yada. I mean, he would, I know. Then she asked if it would be fun if she and Nora and I planned a surprise birthday party for Mom? Like, would I help her? Mom would be really surprised; since she was turning fifty-eight, she wouldn’t think anything special was coming. I said cool with me if Nora’s up for it.

  Monica Faithful That gave us two and a half weeks. We would do it at Leeway, of course. Bobby looked thoughtful about it, but he said he was in. He’d keep El on the water all day, and tell her he was taking her down to the Gray Goose Inn for dinner. I put Charlesie in charge of finding a band, and Nora on decorations. I hired a caterer. I called Cinder and Marta, her best friends since boarding school, and they promised to come. Marta had to come from France. I even got Rufus Maitland to stay, although he was due to leave for Islamabad that week. Rufus was Eleanor’s first love. He’s never married, in spite of being approximately the handsomest man you ever saw. He speaks eight languages, that I know of. He’s always off for years, living in trouble spots, where he pretends he sells farm equipment, and we pretend we believe him.

  Josslyn Moss Nika did call us in California and ask if she could give this birthday party in August at Leeway, and Jimmy was all for it. Why shouldn’t he be? He wasn’t going to have to change the sheets or bake the cake. But I pictured maybe a dinner party, not a fucking bar mitzvah. Also, I assumed Monica would move to the back of the house when we got there, since she’d had the front for a month. But no. She seemed totally surprised at the thought. She was settled in the best guest room, and Norman was coming, and he preferred the front rooms because the ceilings were higher and he’s tall. Please.

  I said we’d take Sydney and Laurus’s room, and she said, Fine, but Jimmy didn’t want to be out of earshot of the kids. I said they could all sleep in the room across the hall, and he said, No, we’d just gotten Boedie to sleep in her own bed, if we put her in with her brothers she’d end up back in bed with us. So we took the rooms in the back. Again.

  Monica Faithful Boedie had an earache when the young Mosses got here, and was very whiny. I offered to move to the back rooms but Jimmy said there was no need, that Boedie would sleep better in rooms that didn’t get morning sun and they wanted to be close to her in case she needed them at night. Adam and Alison were coming back to surprise Eleanor, hiding out with me until the night of the party, so that was just as well, they could have their same rooms back.

  The Leeway Cottage Guestbook August 2, 1999. Arrived after a long trip, tired but happy to be here. Shirley had left chicken pie and blueberry muffins for supper and the children roasted marshmallows in the fireplace for dessert. Everyone had hot baths except Boedie; Virgil had convinced her that the bathtubs were alive, because of their claw feet. Joss bathed her in the kitchen sink. Nika and I sat out on the porch watching the stars until all hours (still on California time). There are so many here, compared to L.A. J. Moss

  Jimmy Moss Frankly I’d forgotten about the party. The great drama in our lives was a puppy we had promised the children. They wanted a Dalmatian, because of that movie, and I said no. They’re not good with children and they need much too much exercise. They wanted to get it last Christmas but I said no, because Josslyn has never had a dog, and I didn’t have time to housetrain it right then. So for six months, we’ve been planning for our August puppy. Off we went to Orono where a lady we found on the Internet had a litter of yellow Labs ready to go. The minute I saw them I knew the father was no Lab. Their paws were enormous. I hoped the other half wasn’t Newfy or wolf. By the time your children have puppies in their arms, though, the ship has sailed. At that point, the battle was limiting them to one. Regis chose him, Boedie named him Toto, and Virgil is the one he thre
w up on on the way home.

  Virgil Applegate It was green with lumps. Mom and Boedie were grossed out. Daddy said all puppies get carsick and he’d grow out of it.

  Monica Faithful I’m pretty sure Jimmy told me about the puppy. He says he e-mailed me. It must have seemed like a good idea at the time. Puppies are like childbirth, you can’t remember how awful it is until it’s too late. And it always lasts about a month longer than you can stand it. Oh well—not my problem.

  Marta Rowland It’s a nightmare, getting to Dundee. I decided to fly to Portland and rent a car. You still have a three-hour drive after that, and I was on Paris time, but the last time I flew to Bangor, Charlesie picked me up and drove me out to the coast at nine hundred miles an hour. I was in fear for my life.

  Monica had e-mailed directions to me but no one ever thought I’d missed a career as a pathfinder. I saw a good deal of scenic Vacationland before I got to Janet Cluett’s house. Cinder and her husband were already there when I finally found them, and we had quite a house party. We had to stay away from any place we might run into Eleanor, so if we went downtown or out on the water, we wore huge hats and sunglasses. It was rather fun. We felt like Mata Hari.

  Josslyn Moss The puppy had to live in the kitchen when he wasn’t being constantly watched, as we were still in the paper-training stage. Also, he chewed. We sprayed all chair legs with Bitter Apple but Toto seemed to love it. Jimmy asked Adam and Alison if they had any food in their rooms, and if they did, would they please give it to him so he could put it where the puppy wouldn’t get it. Alison had a fancy tin of shortbread in her suitcase she was taking to her next hostess after she left us and she was embarrassed to mention it. The puppy got right through the tin, and afterward ate a whole bag of her cotton balls too. Then he was spectacularly sick on the carpet in the hall.

  A houseful of people I barely know when I’m trying to raise a family and a puppy. This is a vacation?

  Monica Faithful Mother’s dining room chairs have all got gnaw marks now. There are two armchairs and ten side chairs that Annabelle Brant bought in England. I mean we weren’t going to sell them but people who know antiques say they’re rather special. I knew Eleanor would mind, when she saw them. Meanwhile it was all I could do to keep her out of the house, where the furniture had been moved for dancing, and Nora was stringing balloons.

  Norman arrived the day before the birthday and I made him take El out to play golf. You know the story about the young couple who can’t afford a fancy roast when the boss comes to dinner so they decide she’ll come out of the kitchen and say, “Oh dear, the roast fell on the floor,” and then the husband will say, “Never mind, we’ll have the stuffed cabbage.” But instead she comes out and says, “Oh dear, the stuffed cabbage fell on the floor,” and he says, “You mean the roast,” but she doesn’t. Our excuse was like that. Norman was going to tell her that I’d join them, and then when I was late I’d say that I’d had to take the puppy to the vet. Boy, did I. The caterers let him out of the kitchen when they came to put things into the icebox. By the time I found him he’d more or less eaten one of Norman’s Gucci loafers. Fortunately when I showed up to walk the last hole with them and told him I’d had to take the puppy to the vet, he still thought it was the stuffed cabbage story.

  Norman Faithful I mean it was a zoo. Edie was there but Sam and Sylvie weren’t. I suppose no one invited them. And then Jimmy’s frigging dog ate my shoe and the only other ones I had were ancient clam diggers that I leave in the house over the winter. I looked ridiculous, and do you have an idea how much those shoes cost? I had to drive to Union to buy a pair of clodhoppers. Which I’ll probably never wear again.

  I’ve been brushing up my Koiné to read the Gospels in the original, and I’m struck by how often our Lord warns us against overidentifying with tribe or family of origin. He says that if you don’t hate your mother and father you cannot follow Him. All these Family Values preachers just think, Well, He can’t have really meant that. But He did. He meant that clinging to your tribe, valuing those people above any other people, was clinging to a worldly luxury. He meant you have to put away those protections and comforts and follow Him. It’s not unlike what the Buddha said. As I’ve pointed out to Sylvia. Stop celebrating your own personal tribe and planning weenie roasts for your own special circle of favorite people and concentrate on what Jesus actually said, and maybe you’ll actually find Him.

  Monica Faithful The day of the party dawned. The weather couldn’t have been better if I’d ordered it from Tiffany. Most everything was taken care of except doing the flowers. The garden was blooming its head off. I’d had my tea and toast and been down to cut what I needed for centerpieces and bouquets for the Porta Potti, which we hoped people would use, because otherwise the well would go dry from flushing.

  I was out on the porch with my bucket of dahlias and larkspur and cosmos and lilies, thinking about Mother and how many thousands of times she had stood here, with these very shears and vases and the ancestors of these very flowers, all chosen and nurtured by her, and how much she had loved all that, when Regis appeared. He’d come to tell me that Toto had barfed on the stairs.

  I said I was actually quite busy and where were his parents? Meditating, said Regis. In their room, on their zafus.

  I said, “Well, how about if you clean it up?” I told him I bet he could do that. He looked extremely doubtful. I told him to go to Shirley and get a bowl of water, and a roll of paper towels, and after I was finished with my flowers, we would spray rug shampoo on the place and later I’d let him use the new vacuum cleaner. Boys like machines, don’t they? I didn’t see why he shouldn’t learn to clean up after his own dog.

  About ten minutes later I went in to see how he was making out. He was sitting on the stairs, and behind him there were two pools of barf, one from the puppy and one from Regis. Guess who got to clean that up.

  Norman Faithful And it was hot in Union and jammed with tourists on their way to Mount Desert, or such places. America in Bermuda shorts is not a pretty sight. But I had an interesting thought on the way home. Although Jesus teaches that we must put away family (yes, yes, and pride, and greed and envy and all those emotions that spring from our attachments to worldly things), but I mean, He actually says you must stop loving your mother and father, in order to love Him, that He nevertheless describes the structure of God, the nature of God, in family terms? God is a father and a son and a cloud of family love? The Buddha doesn’t do that. The Buddha says that if you put away worldly distractions, like where are you going to sleep tonight and where your next meal is coming from, and whether or not your brother-in-law’s dog is going to eat your shoes, and concentrate, that you will find God within yourself. That God dwells within you as yourself…no, that may be Hindu. Anyway.

  Is that how Jesus gets captured by the Family Values guys? Because he describes God as a father? Kind of a risky strategy, really. How you’re going to relate to that God depends an awful lot on what kind of father you had personally. Certainly the Greeks and Romans saw the gods in family groups, but not as role models. I mean, Zeus was always down at the mall boffing the checkout girls.

  Monica Faithful I really needed to zip to town to get some carpet shampoo, but of course Norman had our car. I had to borrow Shirley’s. Which I hate to do because what if I bang it up? And also because at some point a pot of chowder she was taking to a potluck spilled in it, and you never really get a smell like that out of the upholstery. Thank God, Cinder and Marta were there when I got back. They took over the flowers while I ironed tablecloths and napkins. Shirley is a saint among women but she does not iron.

  Josslyn Moss I decided the way I could help most was to get everyone out of Monica’s way, so we took the children and Toto to the bathing beach for a picnic lunch and then to climb Butter Hill. And then for ice cream, double scoop for Regis, since Aunt Monica made him throw up. Nothing like feeling in the way in your own house.

  Marta Rowland We knew we were in the clear to go help
Nika, because Bobby had taken Ellie sailing for the day. Cinder and I had pretty much exhausted the possibilities for amusement down the Quarry Road. It was nice to be able to go to town. We did the flowers and then we all did the seating together. Monica was planning to put Rufus Maitland at the head table with El and Bobby. Cinder and I looked at each other and then we both said, Oh, no no no no no no no no no.

  Monica Faithful At four in the afternoon, the caterer came to tell me that the stove wouldn’t light. I had been just about to go up for my bath. I assumed they didn’t know they had to use the clicker to light the burners. Or at worst that the oven pilot was out. But oh no. Oh, it couldn’t be anything that simple. I called Plumbing and Heating and got no answer so I called Al Pease at home. I must have sounded like an hysteric.

  Al Pease The last time I got an emergency call to that house, there was two dead people in the upstairs bathroom, so I listened carefully. Seems she was giving a wingding and the world was going to end if the stove didn’t work this minute. When I got her calmed down, I said, “Monica, is there a smell of gas in the kitchen?” She said there was, and it was strong. You’d think people would call you before they blew themselves up, wouldn’t you? It must have been smelling for days. I said, “Sounds to me like you’re out of propane.” Well, she went straight up and turned left.